#1186. DS goes Crypto #DAO #NFT

By pascaljappy | News

Apr 01

Although regularly voted one of the world’s best travel photography blogs on the planet, if not in the whole universe, DearSusan has suffered from one major flaw since its inception: centralisation. Up to recently, there were no solutions to correct this, but now we can finally move on!

Spiraling up. Yours for 0.1 ETH

So the first move for us, will be to buy a domain on ENS.

This will have two effects. (1) The URL will no longer be dearsusan.net but dearsusan.eth (2) You will no longer access this site via a browser but through virtual reality goggles on the 11 foot widescreen of my MetaMansion, or via MetaMask, Opera, Brave, or another compatible browser, if you really must. #Looser

I’ve been in talks with Mark Zuckerberg to provide significant rebates on those goggles to all DS readers. He’s doing this as a special favour, because of all the nice things I’ve written about Facebook over the years.

Safe from La Polizia. Yours for 0.1 ETH

Being decentralised will also mean we cannot be censored by the police.

So, we can now start using other people’s photographs in our posts rather than go to the trouble of actually going outdoors to shoot. #SaveThe(Crypto)Whales. It will still be illegal, but no one will be able to stop us.

Even better, we can be total rebels, not far from terrorists, and post photographs of people’s faces on the blog. Actual faces. Or rude words. Yeah baby! #TransgressionRules.

F@ck. Trangressively yours for 1000 ETH.

The great side effect for contributors is that you will be paid for your posts. Each of us needs to create a new username, obviously. From now on, I will be @TogMasterAbsolute3188. Easy to remember.

The maths is still being sorted out. But this expansion from collaborative to decentralised will make you all rich. Real passive income for life with no efforts, from the warmth of your infinity pool sipping vodka martini with 11 top models, and all using other people’s photographs. Here’s how this should play out:

We will create our own crypto, the $ONTAG. I will grant myself an initial issuance of 97.9% (#DecentralisationRules) and the other 2.1% will be sent automatically to contributor wallets. In order to replicate the rising scarcity of lithium (gold is so 2009) those 2.1% will be split into 21 000 000 $ONTAGs, each further subdivided into 1 000 000 $USANs. That way, when each $ONTAG is worth 1 million dollars, you will still be able to spend smaller amounts by cashing in your $USANs for some filthy fiat currency of your choice to buy bling IRL #PimpTheLambo. The first 100 contributions will receive 1000 $USANs (1000 $USANs, think about it!!!), and each further block of 100 contributions will see the reward drop by 10%. Since there will never be more than 21 000 000 $ONTAGS, the value of each contribution will rise even though it brings you fewer $USANS. #GoDeflationaryAssets #SatoshiRules.

Now, you may worry about the environmental cost of all this, particularly in the light of the recent IPCC report. Oh man, if I had a $USAN everytime someone asked me that … The reality is noone gives a $HIT. So it’s all good, #ChillPill #ThumbsUp #StopFakeNews

Cuckoo clock without a cuckoo. Yours for 10M $ONTAGS

Extraordinarily, non contributors are not left out of this revolution. #InclusivityRules

They will be able to subscribe to DearSusan for 0.1 ETH per year and browse up to 10 articles a month. Since all the photographs on the pages will, from this point onwards, be NFTs, the owner of each NFT will receive 1 $USAN everytime a photograph is viewed! All source files will be 100% safely stored on a 1996 Windows laptop I have lying around. So, contributors will get filthy rich, which is the only thing in the world that matters. #TruDat

If a subscribing non-contributor wishes to invest in works to display on the walls of their Decentraland, Sandbox or Meta (#giggles) mansion, prices will be indicated below each photograph and subscribers will be offered a 2.1% rebate on those. Every image bought will be visible on DS and in the new owner’s mansion. Non-subscribers non-contributors will be able to view the text but only low resolution of the remaining images. In order to view the high resolution version, they will need to click on it and pay 0.01 ETH for each click (they can also buy the work at 21 times the indicated price, DS’s cut being 21%). 3 $USANs will be sent to the new owner of the NFT every time this happens!!!! #SelflesnessAlways #PassiveFortune

โ‚ฌka.Shiniest lamp on the planet. Yours for 0.1 ETH

I hope the extent of my brilliance and generosity quickly permeates your consciousness as, in these affairs, first movers always reap the greatest rewards.

Dilly dally not. This is the opportunity of a lifetime.

The sky is literally the limit.

Piccolomini skies. Yours for 01. ETH

Hurry! Soon this image will be worth more than the boat itself!

#BigMotherf… Yours for 0.1 ETH

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  • Steve says:

    You had me going momentarily! $ontags. Brilliant. You should be in marketing!

  • Peter says:

    A lovely smile to start the day – thanks Pascal and for reminding me of the new month ๐Ÿ™‚

    • pascaljappy says:

      Cool, Peter ๐Ÿ˜‰ Glad you liked it, and thank you for the comment ๐Ÿ™‚

      • jean pierre (pete) guaron says:

        There are of course elements of truth in the post – like “regularly voted one of the worldโ€™s best travel photography blogs on the planet, if not in the whole universe” – and the workload that DS dumps on you (not to mention the costs you must be incurring).

        But astonishment obliterated cred when you announced your amalgamation with Zuckerberg’s outfit.

        I must admit though, I did hang in there reading it all, and then realised I’d skipped the photos, so I had to go back. Love the old clock – for many years, I collected clocks – I still have my grandfather’s pocket watch and a matching ornate tortoiseshell travelling case, so it can be used as bedside travelling clock and a fire gilt French 19th century carriage clock & case. Oh – and the first half guinea gold coin that was the first coin my other grandfather ever earned.

        • pascaljappy says:

          Yeah, if this $ONTAG program works out, we might even make a bid on META!

          Lovely mementoes you describe there!

          • jean pierre (pete) guaron says:

            I know they’d be mostly macro shots, and the total of them would be rather eclectic. But I’ve often wondered if they could be of interest as a post. Of course DS is supposed to be about landscapes, primarily, and only a single painting from the “Heidelberg School” (AKA Australian Impressionist Movement) of the late 19th century even begins to qualify for that.

            • pascaljappy says:

              DS more than welcomes macro, if you’d like to write a post about them ๐Ÿ™‚

              Ah, the paintings in the Perth museum tickled me pink … impressionist style, but depicting black boys and jarra. Brilliant.

  • Tony Vidler says:

    Watch all day for my post on mini-potato camera – a miracle of peel-as-lens in sepia!

    • pascaljappy says:

      Fantastic. Do you want to crowdfund it in $ONTAGs on DS? ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Tony Vidler says:

        Not quite yet – itโ€™s in preproduction with a potato-he**d cold – gone by tomorrow- a great post by the way – you had my own sleepy head (3am in NY) coming and going for a bit! Thanks for โ€œdear Susanโ€ every morning!!

  • philberphoto says:

    This post suffers from one serious weakness IMHO. The pictures. They are soooo glorious that the text, by comparison, pales into insignificance. $U$ANs and $ONTAGs? Pshaw! Give me a good ole’ B&W over those newfangled good-for-nothings any day! Especially today. Oh, and BTW, did I say that I loved you pics? Saying I can get them for 0,1 ETH is not clever. Some of them are worth a lot more, methinks. Beginnig with the first one, and the old clock. Culos dOsso!

  • Kristian Wannebo says:

    Aah, Pascal,
    or future @TogMasterAbsolute3188,

    that boat in the photo.
    You’d better buy it right away (even if you should need to take a loan)!

    Just imagine, when that photo really increases in value the boat itself will be famous and become a viral collectors item.

    But don’t be tempted to wait for someone who will pay anything for it in mint condition, rather make an even more profitable business of letting it exclusively to those ‘togs who became rich by selling limited printed editions of photos that were just odd or strange enough.
    And, of course, they’ll have to pay extra for each photo the take on that trip!

    You keep 2.1% of the (perhaps 21%) profits and distribute 97.9% (aah well, 79%) to us DS photographers who, like you, value photographs as photographs.

    Long live DS!
    Ah yes, @TogMasterAbsolute3188, be sure to distribute a report on dearsusan.eth’s financial situation yearly on April first!

    ( I haven’t figured out my new ID yet, sorry, but I’m on.)

    • pascaljappy says:

      Kristian, so cool to hear from you !!! Long time no speak, I was worried.

      Your paradox is so true ! Is my photo making that yacht more expensive? Maybe I should charge more for the NFT ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜‰

      I’ll be sure to post earnings on this date every year ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Ian Varkevisser says:

        the yacht is currently worthless anyway `- it has been impounded under the sanctions

      • Kristian Wannebo says:

        sorry to worry you!
        I just (for some reason) dropped out of the โ€˜net for a whileโ€ฆ
        But I couldnโ€™t resist your post!

  • Lad Sessions says:

    This is brilliant Pascal! You know more lingo than I know anything, and your piece has the patina of the real thing (I think). But you have also hit the nerve of the whole scam: lust for money (and power). Some people will do literally anything to get rich, or so they imagine.

    Anyway, I was taken in for a bit until I woke up and realized todayโ€™s date. Thank you so much for the smiles!

    • pascaljappy says:

      Thank you, Lad. So glad you enjoyed it. Yep, there is a serious illness in the west. To me, it has two layers. The first is our society’s need (for mediatic purposes, probably) to compress all complex realities into single metrics (car ecology and CO2 emissions, for example). The second is that, so often, that single metric is money. All deliberately ignoring how utterly unhappy those uber rich people we are meant to admire so oftne are …

  • Robert Sessions says:

    Great satire! It’s so easy to get taken in by the allure of the latest technologies and systems that your spoof sounds (almost) legit.

    • pascaljappy says:

      Thanks Robert.

      The reality is that I find the ideas behind crypto very interesting. It’s the the greed of those implementing the ecosystem that’s making it all so ridiculous.

  • Dallas says:

    Pascal, You got me first thought was can I have some of your drugs. Then the penny dropped. Well done take care Dallas

  • Jeffrey D. Mathias says:

    Interesting photos. In the “Spiraling up” the rail posts really make it… like some gear or cog in machinery. But the one I find really stands out is “Piccolomini skies”… this might even be an example of negative, negative space. (The brightest part like sky and the sky like a tapestry on a wall.)

    I’m no fool, I’ll take two of each (so as to get twice as rich twice as fast.)

    • pascaljappy says:

      Thanks Jeffrey! The center court in the Piccolomini house (in Pienza) reminded me of the works of James Turrell. It was impossible to resist ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Andreas Aae says:

    I gather the offer pertaining to the infinity pool and the 11 models is only valid today and dividends in $ontags will be available on consecutive years on april the first???

    • pascaljappy says:

      That’s exactly it, Andreas! Fancy being the CFO of this operation? ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Andreas says:

        I am actually an economist. Something that gives me sleepless nights considering that Sebastian Salgado used to be one, and look what he made of it…

  • Christopher says:

    Love it!!!! Sign me up.

  • Ian Varkevisser says:

    brilliant – i’m in – can i pay for mine using my extremely rare bull$hit

  • AndreasT says:


  • Nancee Rostad says:

    Hilarious post, Pascal! Iโ€™m seeing it a day late, but the humor lives on!

  • PaulB says:


    I get the concept of what you are proposing.

    BOAT as an acronym means โ€œBring Out Another Thousandโ€.

    Another old saying is, โ€œA boat is a hole in the water into which one pours money.โ€

    So your plan is Genius! Get people to pour crypto coins into a picture of a boat, or anything else, and we (you) collect it, for value maintenance.

    Such a plan is a worth endeavor for the First. ๐Ÿ˜‰


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